Here I Go Again

Uh, such a BIG UH! I’m back, AGAIN. Yeah, again, another again, one of the several AGAINs.

So much has changed. I can feel that myself. The friends, the classmates, the people… whoever ever related to me. I know I’m kinda out of control, but I cannot be back and under control again. ‘Cuz I’m changed, and there’s no way back.

Things have changed, and people have been gone. It’s easy for me to feel that I am let alone. I’m so afraid of loneliness. I feel that I’ve got so much to say, but where do I start? These are things I’ll never say,though keeping them inside is sort of painful! Let bygones be bygones!

还好寂寞的时候有人陪，哈哈。这个人不是一般的人，也不是二班的人。贴两个图吧。

蔡淳佳 - 庆幸拥有蔡淳佳专辑（华纳）

Saturday Night Live (NBC)

听蔡淳佳的《倒爱》听了一晚上，吃药吃到肚子痛。歌词更撩人，唱到心痛。“我以为倒着流眼泪，不经过脸不伤悲……”看着手机里的回讯，躺在床上，突然也想试验这句歌词的意境。眼泪竟然真的流出来了，可能积蓄太多，经由一首歌就能简单的爆发了吧。有些人说了再见就不能再回头，否则可能就不是伤悲儿子所能表达的感受了吧。不过祝福还是要有的……（这句话已经说到烂熟……）

Saturday Night Live is my big big love. Each single show alway owns fancy cast. Familiar celebrities, super stars, oh my god! Am I too late to know the show? I should say that my English is not that good to know well of each word they say. But by the ones I know, I can say that the show is fantastic! Nobody gonna miss it!

P.S. Here I go again, I’m expecting the next AGAIN!

Be A Lazy One

懒到一定境界会有什么样的心理障碍？这个我还没体会到，但估计快了…… 于是选了积极的颜色，熟悉的语言。宝乐大爸说看不懂“英国历史”，所以我还是写一篇纯“钗腻子”的吧。不过，不好意思，题目还是鸟语，算了，懒得改…… 　　真想有人突然跳出来，指着我的鼻子，破口大骂：“磊子，你这个他妈的懒猪！没J8见过你这么懒的！”谁愿意做这样一个角色呢？田哥？他从来不训我，哪怕我特想他骂我一顿。再说我懒得找他的电话号，太多版本——承德版，沧州版，合肥版……唉……还谁？谁最恨我？欧买尬！不想了，太可怕！要不去找大哥？他脾气不太好，不过他是重量级选手，我怕他骂我骂出感觉对我动手，我还得白白让他打，谁让他是长孙，我是他弟弟！真不公平！算了，我还是自己骂自己吧！你这个扶不起的阿斗，懒鬼，白痴，傻蛋，懒死最好！

　　说实话，还是会很想念好多人，是真的懒不去联系，还是有别的原因。反正我是这个世界上最闲的人，怎么可以随便去打扰别人。更不可以把骂人的活计交给别人，叫别人做坏人，还是我在乎的人。而实际上，我也不是真正想被谁血淋淋的骂一场。（他奶奶的微软输入法，骂人的“骂”那么靠后，好几次都找不到！）否则这个小小愿望基本很容易就能满足了。写小说的呆兔说，看我像是一个容易欺负的人。也许说得没错，也许谁随便一个不是骂人的揶揄，就能让我伤心好久。长了个这种脑袋还真是累人的事儿。
　　同学推荐玩儿“植物大战僵尸”的小游戏，可能是实在无聊吧，第一轮很快就通关了。英语帮了不少忙，哈哈~哦，不要“英国历史”，收声！刹特 啊普！
　　抱着吉他说要写首歌，写到一半，发现我没有可以用来写成歌词的经历和心事，旋律估计也是听过的流行歌曲拼凑组合的山寨版，哈哈。也是吉他男太多了，就像凡宝说的——现在抱着吉他的都太山炮了！
　　听歌是最有效的消遣，遇到一首好歌，会各种兴奋。苦于没人分享，自己兴奋成傻子，在别人眼中，真有那么2么？唉，就当是吧，懒得问了……
　　照片是前几天去姥姥家路过玉米地时拍的，妈的，看见自己那懒样，自己都长气！唉，照片的注释是“英国历史”的。意思是：“懒虫正在车里，很明显他没有在开车，不是因为他懒得开，是因为他懒得学开车……”呃，我服了……

I’m NOT Being Me

说一些最近常在做的事儿吧。
OK. say something about what I’m doing.

最近关于本人晋升猥琐大叔的传闻，不用证实了，就是我自己放的风！当事人就是下面这张照片里的Nichkhun……
About my being (homo-)dirty these days, it is all because of the man in the picture bellow. His name is Nichkhun(닉쿤).

不想把日志弄得好长，哈哈。这图片的意思是最近的看书计划。
I don’t like the journal to be that long, so I shortened it. Pics above are about my f*cking reading plan.

这些都是买了好久好久，一直没看完的书了。哦，对了那本字典除外。看得最多的是方文山的那本诗集，虽然这些诗比外国人的小说还难懂些。说到外国的小说，我真是没有天赋，光是记人名就是件力气活，常常后面出现的人物以为是一位新人，其实早在第一页就有过交待……God！总是没有长性去坚持把书读完，哪怕是安徒生先生的那本童话故事。我太了解自己了，买书多半是为了摆设，哈哈。如果我真的静下心来仔仔细细读完一本的话，我可能就不是我了。不过觉得自己就像黄磊老师说的一样，像一只蠹虫，专门吃书里的只言片语，想吃哪就吃哪儿，也不用那么循章守矩的，倒还有另外的趣味。可能是我看那些速溶杂志看多了吧……
These are books that I bought long time ago. What’s worse is I haven’t finished any of them. The one I read the most is the Poem Collection of Fang Wenshan, though it is harder for me than the foreign novels. God, damn foreign novels, no more frustration please! Even the names can get me on my knees, they are too hard to remember! My poor perseverance on reading… Even Andersen’s fairy tales… I f*cking know myself, buying books is to show off. But, if I finish a book peacefully, maybe that’s not what I’m supposed to do. Maybe I’ve beening read so many instant magzines that even when I’m reading the books I’m still used to jumping here and there, like a bookworm eating whatever words I want…

音乐，是必不可少的。说听到这首歌，还是亏了닉쿤的机缘。因为닉쿤看了韩国的综艺节目《明星介绍的朋友》，因为看了这个节目听到了节目片尾走cast的歌曲。就是这首K.Will的一秒一滴。 Music is indispensable. This song apeared at the end of a Korean TV show. And the show invited Nichkhun as one of their special guests. 韩国的流行音乐似乎很久都是Wonder Girls和少女时代、Kara等女子团体的天下了。像K.Will这样的好声音似乎消失了一段时间。 When we talk about K-Pop, we seem habitually mean some dance-pop. We may first think of Wonder Girls, Girls’ Generation, Kara, Super Junior and so on. But K.Will doesn’t do dance-pop. Although he sings ballad, but that’s good for him. 这首歌收录在K.Will09年的新专辑[Dropping the Tears]里，也算是专辑的主打歌。 This song is included in his new album Dropping the Tears, and kinda hit. 很想学唱这首歌，唱得真的很有感情…… I wanna learn to sing it, I mean it!

我不喜欢韩国，但我也不讨厌韩国…… I’m vulgar, and I’m glad to be so…

呵呵，做一些不是“我”应该做的事，也许是因为我要表达些什么吧。就当给自己的想法一个小出口……
I'm not being me. I can feel that I'm way far from myself. But maybe I just wanna be so, and let all my thoughts out, and set them free...

Rainbow

Rainbow’s Song Katie Melua – Faraway Voice  Pete Yorn - EZ   We Shot the Moon – Please Shine   莫文蔚 - 爱情   藤田惠美 - Today   玉置浩二 - Friend   夏川りみ - 涙そうそう

Sleepy Cat

Sleepy Cat Sleepy Cat, Sleepy Cat, Where R U Sleeping at? Sleepy Cat, Sleepy Cat, U do no wrong. They won’t buy you a sleeping bed. U don’t care if U R thier favorite pet. It’s not the bed of roses. U R the friend to whose who’s homeless.

It’s been a long time since I updated on this site last time. Yepp, almost months, not weeks. The lyrics post above is adapted from “Smelly Cat”. It’s a simple little song, with only 3 chords. But Phoebe said it’s a hard song. I think she didn’t only mean that smelly cat is commiserable, but also the attitude in which we sing it. Only simple man can sing it well.       The picture, er, hah hah, I admit it isn’t good, or even worth not being glanced. But I want to be a simple man. And I expressed it through the picture. The world all aroud could not be colorful, but the heart may long for colorful life. Being a cheerful man is kinda ROCK. Just as the young singer Lu Guangzhong said, being able to eat breakfast is a ROCK thing!

YEAH~(Posing goat finger! Oh, and wishing he could win the Golden Melody Award tonight! 5 nominees!)

YEAH~ Rock ‘N Roll! YEAH~

      So, anyway, I am always imagining me being a cat. So that I can be both indifferent and flattering. And to the world, I can easily handle it, and I can search for a shelter, and I can keep clean no matter how dirty the outside is! Just be a sleepy cat, and a simple man!

Desiring a Colorful Life

Found a long-time-no-see Mr. Book. Name: Practice of happiness. It is a semi-DIY book, I can write and draw pix in it. So I found a box of long-time-no-see color pencils.        The box has been in the corner for such a long time. With a lot of dust on the top. But the pencils inside are not that dirty. Looking at them, I can feel they are waiting for my opening the box. So they breathed enough today.        I love colors. I thought I love blue the most before. But I found I’ve already started to fall in love with all colors. Red is the romantic sunglow. Green is the thriving trees. Blue is the mirror-like lake. Yellow is the soft sand beach.        I always think that one who loves colors loves his life. Maybe it is not the truth. But at least, the one can lead a colorful life, a beautiful life.

      From this side, in my eyes, there is a mass of cold colors near. However, from the other side, I can see pretty muny warm colors instead. But the point is it is the same box, just changed an angle, I got two attitude. Being cold and being warm, are just two different attitudes, towards one thing. There were are and will be so many THINGS in life. When shall we be cool, when be warm is never easy. But the cold and warm built a colorful life. So there is no need to complan, cuz no matter what we do, we are coloring up our lives.

      Practsing happiness, is also never a easy job. But, set up your minds and start to love your lives, smile to your lives. Every single part of our life is like a color, no matter it is cold or warm. If we can choose the very attitude, love all the colors in our lives, maybe we can find the recipe to practise happiness.

Radiation Journal In Beijing

Chapter Five

In Beijing, it can also be cold this time of the year. On a rainy day, everything seems to be wet.

But why do I love rainy days.
-- Prefacing

所在的小旅店的霓虹灯箱映红了茂盛的树枝，每个平凡的夜晚，都有行人走过这条小巷。在这棵老树的庇护下，每个人的脸都被这灯箱映衬得绯红。惬意的更惬意，匆忙的更匆忙；浪漫的更浪漫，凄凉的也更凄凉 。很少人会停下来仰视这棵站在这里不知多少年的老树。但也许不能说它是孤独的，在这个老城区，像这样的老树，老院，老人，拥有着无比丰富的回忆，他们富有且不会孤独……

这就是那个巷子，偶尔有汽车经过，偶尔还能看到异国风情的脸。作坊式的小商铺，在傍晚还会留盏灯。邻里街坊会打声招呼，还有在路边用餐的家人碰杯的声音，虽然并不安静，但是从王府井拐近来，有一种忽然得来的宁静感。进入到最细节的北京，才会发现这里的美丽，一些最最最琐碎的东西才是最有京韵的东西。每天能在这条巷子走上一遭，应该觉得很满足了……

Rainy day. Will it make you a little moody, when you hear this two words? Looking at the big Ad. post, “Just Do It”, do what? Do the radiation treat? Do keep struggling for life? The docotor said there’s no need to do extra treat, cuz everything is undercontrol and I’m recovering well. I have said man who loves weathers loves life. I love rain, love snow, love cloud, and I love big sunny days. Wind and rain makes it cold here, and I believe it can also be cold this time of the year right here in Beijing.

Radiation Journal In Beijing

Chapter Four

I’m halfway of the rdiation treat. But there’s still another half. And I have to keep holding on…
-- Prefacing 

DC’s on the NIGHT mode, so the time of exposure is rather long… Yes, this one is ME.

I don’t know the history of the Catholic church. But it must be as famous as the Sophia in Harbin.

Many people gathered here, some are local, some are visitors. In the evening, they may be the same, that they are happy anyway. Otherwise, they can not looked so relaxed and pleased. But why cannot I be one of them…

The moon is hanging there. This sight reminds me an old saying. The moon is always brighter  in our hometown. But Beijing is not the “hometown”.

This is the most familiar angle at which I can see the church everyday. And I like seeing it at the nearest angle. Because this side is much more peaceful than the side confronting the street. I can say it’s beautiful.

Should I stay, should I turn away… Whether green or red, it’s just a traffic signal. But what if there is a red light in one’s life? Should he rush for time or wait for turning green? I stayed at the signal light for quite a while, watched it turning red and green and red… Why am I always so sentimental? Is my red light going to change?

Brands, luxuries, money and desire.

The significance of Wangfujing street. Just a well, makes a whole material street. A street that can satisfy the desires.  Fetishism…

P.S. 今日立夏，夏天真的就这样来了…… 放疗也已经进行了一半，好消息是只剩下一半，坏消息是还要有另外的一半……而我也需要坚持，为生存而继续挣扎……

Radiation Journal In Beijing

Chapter Three

Are the holidays exsisting for the couples? At least they are on the calendar for the happy ones. Looking at the happy ones passing by, I got a strong desire to get married…
-- Prefacing 

There’s no holiday for me. There’s still no holiday for my Radiation Treat on May Day. But fewer people gathered in the damn hospital, which made me a little more comfort.      It may be because of the rain. It’s not as crowded as expected in the morning. But in the evening, you can easily find out that you are in China, the country owns the biggest population in the world. And, you can also find quite a few aliens wandering here. GOD!

     Why should I feel that bad, on such a good holiday? Are the holidays really disigned for the couples? I think, at least, they are exsisting for the happy. Yes I mean I’m not happy. Blaming the disease!

     Holidays have no relation with me. But why are the boring hours driving me crazy? I need some one to accompany with. Looking at the happy ones passing by, I got a strong desire to get married. But with who…

Radiation Journal In Beijing

Chapter Two

I know I cannot resist doing something stupid. I know walking through the city is a  pleasing pastime.   But, why do I want PEPSI so much...
-- Prefacing 

After the Radiation Treat, I got time walking. Like a shuttle, when I walked through the alleys, I’m kinda apace. I don’t know why myself. But there’s still balance — apace but leisurely.      Originally, I planned to go to a foto studio to scan some films into digital form. But the cost of this service is sooo high. So I gave up, and decided to do this on a E-shop. That is quite agreeable. Doing fotos finds no end, I decided to walk aroud Wangfujing.      The moment I stepped on Wangfujing street, an familiar expression came to me – People Moutain People Sea. China do have a greatest population! No other country can beat us! People from all over the country and out of the country thronged here. Some are tired, and some are still excited. Are they really gathering here perchasing luxuries? Is there such big fun here in a pedestrian street? Why are they always enjoying it, without getting tired? When I see the CD shop, I suddenly know my own answer…

     Trust me, I will never feel tired when I’m in a CD shop!

     After having paid for the CDs, I change another way back to my little inn. Thinking while walking, I feel a big mixed compication. Why do I have such a great imagination? I’ve got so many stories to tell. They are all about me, and they are none about me. Should I put them down? Or should I keep them inside? The old story meets no ends, should I finish it first? It’s the biggest imagination in my head. I’ve never planned to give an end to it. Maybe I can start writing stories, for nothing, just as a pastime. I know I cannot resist doing something stupid. I know walking through the city is a  pleasing pastime. But I quite enjoy doing stupid things!

     Walking apace is laborious, but why do I want PEPSI so much…

Radiation Journal In Beijing

Chapter One

Strugle for life. Beijing I deside not to hate you, so the souls of ancient emperors please bless me...
-- Prefacing

I wasn’t born to hate Beijing. As the capital of my homeland, Beijing is beloved by all, all but …  I don’t want put “ME” here, but I’ve got that feeling. That I hate Beijing!

When I was a little boy, I was so desired to go to Beijing. Even though there were several times, some eyes and words made me feel so frastrated, so bumpkin. Why do I change my opinion? When do I begin to hate Beijing? What on earth do I hate?!
.. .. ..
If it were not for my disease, maybe I am still unconditionally loving the capital. I hate my disease, hate tumor, hate hospitals, hate drugs, hate Beijing! Staying in a small inn near the famous Wangfujing pedestrian street, also near Peking Union Medical College Hospital. I know I’ve already accepted this is my destiny. No matter what is the end of my story, the only thing I will do is strugling for life, as what I always did.

While walking alone back to the inn after dinner, I really recognized the hate, and realize my love. There is an old saying “Love me, love my dog.” And I want to say hate disease hate all related! But no matter how I decry Beijing, I can easily find it a lovely place. The fast life tempo, the metropolis waste, the always-jammed traffic, the arrogant citizens, none is important. As long as you approaching the details of Beijing, none is important.But no Great Wall, no Forbidden City, no Summer Palace, no great temples, no great lakes or sightseeings. On the way back to the inn, there is an alley. Like there is an invisible wall, once stepped in the alley, it becomes queit immediately. I suddenly felt the breeze. Trees on the both sides joggles to the breeze, no rhythm, but beatiful. It’s getting darker, but brisker… This is the charm of Beijing, details…

Beijing, I decide not to hate you. So the souls of the ancient emperors please bless me...

Long Time No See, Mr. Books ! 

	翻了翻躺在角落的箱子，里面是生病以前在学校朝夕相处的“书先生”们。因为这场疾病，放弃了考研，也冷落了他们。现在再次翻看，熟悉的字眼，陌生的内容，强迫自己不要去想太多。最近收到同学发来的消息，班级里集体上线，成功率极高。兴奋的同时，也为自己的失约而感到懊恼沮丧。但是我知道，人生本来就有无数的事情不能自己左右：忘不了的歌，读不懂的书，看不完的故事，到不了的明天…… 　　等人都因为思念而变得麻木，思念也会消失。我深知这种感觉，忘记去思念，昏昏噩噩，熬日子。每天如同一个既定程式，只要开始，便只需循规蹈矩…… 　　直到再次与“书先生”们谋面……
我想应该是时候对那种简单到糜烂的生活道别了。记得海子在《面朝大海，春暖花开》中写过，“明天起做一个幸福的人……”我也想如此生活。或许好多条路因为好多限制条件而打上“禁止通行”的标签，但通往幸福的路决不会是死胡同。 　　真的，或许我应该明天就上路，打破那个思想的紧箍。 　　因为那里被圈住的好像不止一个梦…… 　　希望是趁早，还来得及。不再迷信命运，也许，物理化学真的没那么难。也许吉布斯函数，化学变化的熵变焓变都是一些基本的数据求法，真的没有看上去那么不知所云；也许元素在宇宙及地球中的丰度的规律理解起来相当容易，崇拜克拉克之余，丰度值也许不再是一些天文数字；也许再没有那么多见过面却不熟悉的英文单词，没有那么多绕口令似的哲学理论，没有那么多新鲜见面的时政要闻……
	书要读，就像梦要做一样。 　　歌要唱，就像心要跳一样。 　　那么多不懂得的道理，需要用生命的时间来学习。把生命微分，是时间，每一分，每一秒，都是生命的部分。 　　终于明白为什么等待是痛苦的，因为等待是在消耗生命的部分。但也许等待并不是浪费……“书先生”们等了多少日升日落才再度与我碰面，只为了那一句心里最由衷的“Long time no see！”感觉我似乎爽了他们谁的约…… 　　呵呵，当然娱乐精神不可或缺，唱着笑着，看着想着，快快乐乐生活着……
↑ Click to hear me MYSELF playing & singing Smelly Cat.

   Valentine’s ...

　　情人节，or 情人劫，歌曲里太多情人节分手的故事，这对两个人都未免残忍了点。别人欢欣庆祝的日子，却成为自己的痛苦。都说“别把快乐建筑在他人的痛苦之上”，但这样的痛苦却不得不在别人登双的快乐中更加残酷。但也有2月14日捅破那层玻璃纸的两人，而且若是懵懂的初恋，那这一天便成为自己永久的纪念日。Valentine’s Day，永远含有两个极端，一端是幸福，一端是苦痛，而我站在中间地带，感受不到任何不同往日的节日气息。要不是看到大街上抱着花束沿街叫卖的打工的学生，可能已经忘记这个无关好多年的节日了。Let me call it a festival this time.

　　书籍资料甚至英语老师的教案里，都有关于圣瓦伦丁节的介绍。好奇的是，尽管每次都似乎强调地说，瓦伦丁节不只是恋人的节日，但执拗的后人却抛弃了这天原本博爱的含义，成为情人专属的节日。狭隘得不能再狭隘，后来的人都怎么了……

　　既然对我来说不是个节日，也就没有任何忌讳。去医院化验血相，白细胞还好，没有低的厉害，保证了最底限的抵抗力。给老爸当副驾，妈妈在后座，两个人已经冷战个把天了，今天出门也没说话。有时候感觉自己夹在中间，好是为难。
　　“今天什么日子，有人卖花？”老爸。
　　“哦！今天是情人节~原来……”我。
　　回来的路上，老爸把车停在路边两个卖花的小女孩面前，买了三支玫瑰送给老妈。我能感觉两个人之间的隔阂涣然冰释。老妈沉浸在幸福之中，我也由吃惊变为幸福。
　　Feel like today I have to write something down. A special Valentine’s Day, even though I don’t have a Valentine. Read the feelings from the lyrics and poems. Luckily I’ve got a CD album called First Love. Maybe I can find my Valentine feeling while listening to it. Sweet or bitter may it feel, my Valentine hasn’t arrived. All I should do is waiting, waiting for the one, the one right for me. And get a chance to say my own “From your Valentine” .

With Only Memories Left...

魂（コン Kon） 名字由一护所起，来自“改造魂魄”的简称。通常待在填充玩具狮子里面，也时而在一护死神状态时接管一护的身体。 Hui返校念书时候，为了送他跑到遥远的桃李街扫购关于Bleach 的一切，包括这个魂大人的布偶，还有它脖子上的蛇尾丸（ざびまる）。现在看到魂大人头顶覆盖的薄薄的灰，就能想到还是曾经有过纯真年代，Bleach断断续续的Follow着。当时那种热情，只留在回忆里慢慢散着余热。 布偶也被遗落在于遥远的学校，估计现在已经脏得不成样子了……

Cassettes, oh my god. Deep inside the memories, they’re the real companions, but in history. Yes, I can feel the dusts on them. Hundreds of tapes, oh GEE! My school time is pieced together with all the fotos shot by eyes and store by brain. The old songs can easily call the memories, even some trifles. Every little word we said, every little song we sang… Every little thing we did, I just want do it again. Cuz the affairs of the world are inconstant. I don’t know what will the world look like the next second. Using only my memories can build my own everlasting world.

Flowers 

It’s been long time I havn’t updated the site. Yeah, ‘bout 10 days, maybe it’s a long time! Holidays have arrived. People who study out of the town are coming back recently. My sister 해항, actully she’s my cousin, is back. Calling her my sister is because our fathers are brothers, and I’m a single child with no brothers ‘n sisters, and we have common topics and get along well. She concern ‘bout me much after having heard my illness. She came to see me immediately when she was back. And she give me pot flower as a gift and hope me be good soon. Bush lily is its name. Well, it is now bloomling, with love.

君子兰，Bush Lily，我特意去百科查了这种花。它那厚实光滑的叶片直立似剑，象征着坚强刚毅、威武不屈的高贵品格；它丰满的花容、艳丽的色彩，象征着富贵吉祥、繁荣昌盛和幸福美满。有着妹妹的祝福和支持，我想，没有理由不尽快好起来，这不能算是一种压力。每天起床都能看到爱的花，盛开在阳光下，一整天都充满了幸福的感觉！想写的话很多，却又写不出来。
还是听一首歌吧：
萧潇 - 花    

再回到这篇日志，想要把没说完的话讲过。可是完全没了当时的境态，是不是个爱花的人……我想应该不是，估计我养花的话一定会枯萎掉。但我确是爱这盆花，这不仅是盆花，是爱吧。亲人的爱，一盆花承载得了，也承载不了……看见花就语塞的人，真的是说不出什么来了！

Treat Me Like a Normal Person, PLS.

Please don’t treat me like a sick person, though I am sick. I’m just a little bit phisically weak. I can talk, I can walk, I can think, I can do whatever I want as long as it won’t do harm to me. So, please don’t judge me. I think it’s obvious a sick person could be some kinda sentimental sometimes. But I swear I am always keeping optimistic about every now and future. I didn’t get the disease that is beyond cure. I can sense some pathetic things in other’s reactions 'bout my illness, when they first heard of it. It makes me wired, I am now surfing the net! And still guess I’m dyingly bad huh?

I feel so tired of keeping explaining me!  

                                                   Robbie Williams - Singing For The Lonely

要推荐这首歌。Robbie W也不是在什么时候都是玩世不恭的坏小子，《为孤独者而唱》。But, who is the lonely? 但是有一件实事确定的，我们都曾经是the lonely，在那些寂寞难耐的光景，有没有记得找一首为寂寞之人唱的歌呢？的确，这样的歌很多。“寂寞”是个文人墨者喜欢拿来说法的词汇，歌唱寂寞也就比比皆是。有时候，一个人，并不寂寞；两个人，却孤独难耐。Loneliness, is it self-made or is it made by others? Then who makes one lonely? 两个人，制造了寂寞。有达人说过，友情经得起平凡但经不起波折，爱情却恰恰相反。
Robbie在歌词中也找到了原因，太过沉闷的感情使两个人都寂寞。恋爱之火开始烧稳的时候，是不是最容易出问题的？但是，难道真的所有的感情都是轰轰烈烈……Unkown, totally unkown.

这张CD有好多故事，Robbie的，也有我的附之其上的。尽管不喜欢Robbie一贯给人的“顽家”的印象，但这张唱片却是特别喜欢的。不仅因为里面有The HITS，还有就是共鸣。足球，吉他，多角色……

P.S. 再度强烈想念我窝在学校的CDMan！

Happy 牛 Year !

First of all, please CLICK the RED button of the player bellow: / 首先，请点击下面播放器的红色按钮：
     Stefanie Sun – Wish You Happy / 孙燕姿 - 祝你开心

这样一首歌曲，在一年的结尾，送给过去的365天中所有感动过小小的我，给过我支持，给过我温暖的人儿。突然间说不出那些华丽的话，最朴实，最内心的言语自然的涌出。好多的肖像在这一刻在脑海中浮现，看到一张张幸福的脸，我也是幸福的人儿。

没有很多的时间去总结这一年，也不想小心翼翼地去总结。像我这样的懒人，不太适合榨出每一个回忆中的各种滋味再加以累积。所以我体内的“五味瓶”都是半瓶未满的吧，也好给个想要集满的美好希望……

说到希望，再几个钟头就是新的年头了。年之头，总要对自己有些希望和期许。但好像我总是那么贪心，好多好多的希望啊。但是我还是最想我能够健康起来，能够多替父母分担。还有学习，证证，研研……

祝你开心，是的，但不要只有十年，要永远。

P.S. 特别的，还要感谢所有MSN Live Spaces的朋友，在我养病的这段时间，收到了好多来自你们的鼓励，驱散了我的无聊感，如果在QQ群里太聒噪了的话要体谅下咯！呵呵，Happy 牛 Year 哈！

孤独的伏在电脑前，今天是耶诞节的前一天，初中就学过“Christmas Eve”，介词要用on。似乎从念书以来，这一天就伴随着大把的礼物，不管是要送出的还是收到的，彩色的包装纸包装的苹果，柳橙。不知道谁是“始作俑者”，所谓的平安夜就是要“平（萍果）平安安”“心想事成（橙子）”么？（严重有Chinglish的嫌疑！）现在想来，凡是节日，都要图个吉利么，呵呵。有礼物还计较什么，那句经典的话：“礼物是无罪的”啊！

　　今年生病落单在家，就是想送苹果柳橙也没有办法。只有用自己本来就很强的意念力，假象好多好多的包装精美的礼物，一一送给那些人儿，用飞的哦！我还要把每个苹果都想出幸福的猫猫笑容。这样，那些人儿咬上一口，马上就知道这份祝福是我送出的！想送我礼物的人儿啊，收紧你们的意念力哦，也用想像的方法给我一个大大的惊喜吧！

手机是最忙碌的时候，任凭主人绞尽脑汁构思特别的内容，最后还要虔诚地按下“发送”按钮。短短70个汉字，到底承载了多大的重量？没有人真正去比较，满满70个字的段落和只有四个字的内容，哪个更饱满。也许，任何形式的内容都装了满满的祝福，一旦被打开，就会外溢成脸上的微笑，心里的感动吧……

　　一个人，听着歌，跟着哼。Sing along alone。温暖的把自己陶醉，可能就是要把自己弄得醉醉的，让我以为，我还有那些人儿在我左右，还有好多没被发掘的温暖。Lost in the music, lost in my own voice. It's so real and also so irreal.

　　夜正黑，正是圣诞节最温馨的时刻。

　　大楼霓虹，喧嚣着孤独中的美丽。

　　此刻特别想亲临那些人儿之中，体会这般那样的热闹。但或许真正热闹起来，又想一个人裹得厚厚，跑到没有霓虹的地方看星星吧……

　　只记得，猎户座在面前的正南方，那么亮。还能看见天琴座，在Milky Way的一边，闪着一颗明亮的星——织女星。不能期待，这夜空会有流星出现，否则这个期待就成了那个流星的愿望……

　　“我好想看星星，海边的夜景，风……”一个人，听着歌，跟着哼。

　　Sing along alone, so real and so irreal.

 Setting Off Again

       It's the due time again. Tomorrow I will be setting off for Beijing for the medical treat, again. I badly want to emphasize the "again". Yes, six times, this will be the seventh. Half of the whole routine, that is twelve times.

       But I may still be afraid of the treatment. The horrible side effects are driving me crazy. I've got the conditioned response that once I step in the hospital, my stomach begins to roll. I'm so sick of the process. But I have nothing to do, but to accept it, no one to blame, for the unwished-for disease.

       Luckily, however, I never lose my heart. I've got parents around, got my MP3 player,.I can read, though I have poor eye sight, 300 degree! I think I'm optimistic enough, that makes me pretty sure that I'll be OK. But such long time that is wasted really upsets me. I have to drop shool for a whole year. God, that's a huge loss!

       Anyway, I'm setting off again, for the future, for all the love I received.

   心  怀  忐 忑 。

　　明天就要出发，前往北京治病了。

　　不知怎么，心里还是忐忑不定。或许心有余悸准确些，去治疗就意味着痛苦的日子就要开始了，又要开始了！但这次好像又和以前不同，坦荡了许多，毕竟已经熬过一半了，剩下的三个月，让我遇挫愈勇吧！

　　也许我也应该感谢这场病，让我有大把的时间用来浪费。泡网，睡觉，听歌，弹琴。但转而又觉得无比可惜，人生宝贵的一年，说飘就飘走了。去追是徒劳，闷头惋惜也只是空悲切……人生势必要经历一些浪滔么？就让我死心塌地地认为是必要吧！但我不知道我为什么会自卑？得病会让人自信心严重下降么，还是自信跟自卑根本就不是反义词？会特别害怕谈及它，因为以为会自然地矮别人一截，太抬不起头。我也感觉这是杞人忧天，自找没趣，但这种感觉不自由的往外汩。罪恶之源，谁给我个魔力塞子，我给它堵上！

　　不管怎么样，忐忑还是有的。但又不管怎么样，我还是心怀憧憬。

　　해도, 파이팅!